1) Hearing that he cries for me sometimes in the mornings when I am at work when he first wakes up. This makes me sad. I always feel bad that I leave before he wakes up anyways. Especially since a number of family members keep him so I am never sure he knows who he is waking up to.
2) Knowing that by four in the afternoon, he gets fussy and cries for me. I hate days when I am delayed in getting home since he is used to me being there by then.
|Who wouldn't want to say home with that adorable face all day?|
3) When I can't give him dessert or "treats" as he calls it. This is almost a nightly occurrence in our house due to his picky eating. We have started the you have to try one bit of everything (although I don't strictly enforce it if it is something he absolutely hates like mac n cheese weirdo.) But things like chicken that I know he will normally eat or fruits and veggies, I make him at least eat a bite of and swallow it since he outsmarted me for a while and would put it in his mouth and then immediately spit it back out since I only told him he had to at least put one bit in his mouth. This becomes a battle and then I have to deny him dessert. I hate the look on his face when he realizes I am not going to let him have any treats.
4) When we have to miss play dates or fun outings with other kids his age. This one happens a lot because everyone pretty much does play dates during the week. I hate it. My mom's group visits a nursing home with the kids and I want to go so badly. But alas I am a working mom. I can't wait until I stay at home and can do more fun things with Destructo. In the mean time, I try to set up play dates on Fridays when I am at home.
5) When he begs me to play with him and I have to say no. Don't get me wrong, I try to make the most of the weekends and play and go to parks. But I do still have to grocery shop, clean the house, pay bills. I hate when I have to tell him I am busy since I already have to leave him and go to work 4 day a week.
6) When he spends hours begging to go outside and can't because it is raining, cold, I am cleaning inside, etc. Plus our back yard is a bit of a cluttered mess and he gets into everything. That is part of my get my house organized goal. At some point, I am going to shame myself enough by posting pics of my back yard and patio to get super motivated like I did with my closet and get it all cleaned up and more kid friendly.
7) Every single morning when I walk out the door to work. This invokes enough guilt to smother and elephant.
8) When I picture having another baby and Destructo not being the sole apple of mommy's eye. I can't picture loving another little baby as much as I love him. Although I know that everyone says love multiplies when you have another and that it isn't divided. I am sure this is true, but I do still feel guilty when I picture it.
9) When I picture not having another child. I can't imagine having grown up without my sisters. You know the one who reads the blog and the one who doesn't. Haha. But then I think well what if I have a girl. We only want two kids. So my daughter doesn't get a sister and my son doesn't get a brother. So of course I have to have two boys. But we all know that the odds of having a boy is 50/50. Arrghhh. Then my head explodes and I stop thinking about it.
10) When I am putting Destructo to bed and he begs me nearly every night for one more book or one more minute rocking or a final drink or what not. I oblige to some extent but you know a toddler's persistence. At some point, I just have to tell him no and that it is time to lay down. Cue the guilt express.
Edited to add: Haha I am apparently a super guilty feeling person. I wrote this post about mommy guilt a while back and forgot all about it.
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