Tuesday, February 19, 2013

My Ten Most Embarassing Moments in Public with Destructo

Having a spirited, loud, and quite exuberant child has led to many embarrassing moments for this mommy over the 21.5 months of Destructo's life.  Here is a list of the top ten embarrassing moments in my quest for world domination with Destructo.  (Okay in all actuality these are just the ones I remembered while typing this post.  Destructo's spirited behavior causes embarrassment nearly every time I take him in public.  I am starting to become slightly immune to the looks I get from horrified on lookers.)

1)  This Sunday at a local Catholic church near you  Destructo preached a fine sermon about the trains out the doors of the church.  The trains that don't pass by the church within a number of miles.  He also got quite riled up with me and other people who wouldn't look out the door and pay attention to the imaginary trains with him.

Add to this the fact that he was rolling around in the floor, crawling around like a baby, attempting to run away from me every other minute, making train sounds, and trying to peace be with you well before it was time and this momma left at Communion.  To which Destructo proceeded to scream bye byeeeee byeeeee to everyone as we left the premises.  Destructo one, mommy zero.

2)  A few weeks ago at church... hey wait do you guys notice a pattern here?  (Actually I already wrote a post about my church woes, check it out here.)  Anyways back to my story, Destructo noticed my brother in law as we walked into church late of course.  We are always late because for some reason Destructo saves his worst tantrums for shoes and coat time on Sunday mornings.  I swear I am going to take him bare footed one week.  He saw his uncle and started bellowing whoa whoa whoa whoa which is a game they have.  I let him go sit with them and for half the mass actually was able to pay attention to church.  At some point, I whispered to Mr. Destructo geez whose kid is that and why can't his parents control him?

At some point, he came back to sit with us.  I cried a bit on the inside.  He acted horribly and demanded treats and finally church ended.  Not before he ran up the middle aisle after he got by me since I was moving incredibly slow since it was the day after my 5K and I was super sore.  He got almost all the way to the altar too.  Then when the priest put his hands up for the final blessing of the congregation, Destructo screamed out "Touchdown!!!!!!!!!"  Ahh my son.  I found this hilarious and embarrassing all together.

3)  Moving away from church because I promise you every single Sunday is an embarrassing moment, was the time he got lost at Toys R Us.  We were walking to find Mr. Destructo and Destructo was mad because I told him he couldn't have a pouch until we got to the car.  So he was mad, wouldn't hold my hand, I had my hands full anyways.  He took off when I turned my head for two seconds.  I thought he had run to Mr. Destructo and went that way.  Nope he had went the other way.

No biggie.  Surely he was on one of the aisles immersed in some cool toy.  Nope.  He was waiting at the front door, screaming dadaaaa.  I grabbed him and asked him why he ran away.  He gave me his best pouty frowny face and said "Pouch."  Yep he ran away because I refused to let him eat a fruit pouch that we hadn't paid for.  Once I got over the panic that he could have gotten kidnapped/ lost/ hit by a car, I had to admire his thought process.  The crazy woman won't give me a pouch, I will just take my own dang self to the car.

4)  The time I had to change Kai's diaper in a parking lot at the beach on our way home from Destin.  He was a poop butt and I had to change him.  Normally I just change him on the car seat, but he threw such a fit I had to lay him down on the sand in the parking lot and change him with on lookers stopping to check out the mom who surely judging by his screams and thrashing had to be beating the child.

5)  Both times I have met up with my photographer friend Jenny to take pics for her portfolio.  Kai has acted like a complete hellion and not cooperated in the least.  The first time, he acted like getting close to me would cause him to burst into flames and walked a nice 100 feet behind me the entire time.  The second time he refused to smile and kept asking her Why or telling her no when she would say smile.  And yet she wants to use him a third time.  Woman is crazier than me I tell ya!
Smile Kai.  This is the look we got.
So cooperative

6)  Anytime I am forced to take him in public wearing Crocs in the winter that are two sizes too small and have Thomas the train on them.  Pair it with his orange Daniel tiger hat and my kid is styling.
7)  We were eating at a local restaurant and Destructo decided he was not going to sit in a high chair, nor was he going to eat. He decided his fruit looked good and would not put a single bite of pizza (his favorite food) in his mouth to get the fruit which we had asked him to do.  He screamed the entire hurried meal and kicked and sobbed.  Thank goodness this time we were at least on the patio not in the restaurant.  Restaurants are another embarrassment source.  I have actually had a hostess come hold Kai up front because she felt so bad for me and wanted me to get to eat.  I will throw a thousand kudos out to the Mexican restaurant we like because they are amazing with Kai!

8)  Our last shopping trip to Essex.  Kai was tired and was insane.  He was running all over the store, climbing out of the cart, and at one point was using a display of duct tape as projectile weapons to keep me from grabbing him and containing his glee.  Add in a nice display of rolling around on the dirty floors and you have the full effect.

9)  When Destructo was just an itty bitty, I was nursing him in the car on the way home from vacation.  He was not a good nurser in public and would pop on and off the boob as he got distracted.  Well a guy happened to walk by and looked directly in where I was nursing Kai sans cover.  Now this isn't enough to embarrass me since nursing in public never bothered me, but the poor guys reaction actually made me feel embarrassed more for him than anything.  He apologized a million times and actually walked in a circle around the car instead of continuing by the window.

10)  Finally, Mr. Destructo got hurt at work and I got a call at 4 AM to come to the hospital last May.  I didn't nurse Destructo before I left since I didn't want to wake him up so early.  I had my pump with me so no big deal.  Well we weren't in a room for the longest time so I couldn't pump and by the time he was moved, we met with the doctors and so on.  Well Destructo was crying to nurse by this point, so my parents brought him to me at the hospital.

I hadn't leaked in forever since Destructo was a year old by this point.  Yeah that was the day I leaked all over the place.  I had to steal my mom's hoodie and wear it the entire rest of the day even though it wasn't cold and then I smelled nasty.  It was awful.  But hey what is motherhood if it isn't glamorous? 

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