Monday, August 26, 2013

I am Jealous of a Cartoon Character

Yes you read that title right.  I am straight up green with envy jealous of a cartoon character.  Who you might inquire?  Mom tiger from Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood.  No it isn't because she kept her tigerly figure even after having Daniel.  It isn't because she and dad tiger go out dancing regularly although that must be fun.  Nor is it because she got to spend the night in a castle.

I am jealous because she has her crap so together.  I mean come on.  Watch when she opens her fridge.  It is spotless and all healthy foods.  I mean where are the shelves that need scrubbing, food that needs trashing, and 8 billion packets of condiments from various restaurants falling everywhere.  And the food in it.  It is all healthy.  Where are the suckers on top to be used as bribes when Daniel has to stay with a sitter?  I have never seen a single box of goldfish, yogurt puffs, or even so much as a pouch.  I mean it is all healthy fruits and veggies, milk, cheese. 

When her kid acts out and makes an inside beach with buckets of sand, she does lose her cool.  By turning around and counting to four and then calmly explaining the wrongness of his actions.  Yeah some days I put myself in time out just to avoid screaming at my kid for his naughtiness.  Plus do we ever seen Daniel throw more than a momentary temper tantrum.  NO.  I mean he is four so I guess Kai has two years to improve, but I mean he never runs away from her, never tortures pets, never hits or kicks or bites his friends.

Plus Mom Tiger's house is always freaking spotless.  I mean so clean I am jealous.  I am just happy if all my diapers are sprayed before bed and there is no food the dog can steal off the table.  Clean sheets on my bed are an added bonus.  I mean I know that Daniel goes to preschool some so she has a bit more time to clean and she also isn't working full time, but I am sorry none of my mommy friends houses are that clean.
Even these smiling cupcakes are mocking me tonight

You know Mom Tiger, you are on my crap list tonight.  Yeah you.  I want a Daniel episode where Daniel is screaming his head off about not getting to paint the wall neon yellow and throwing himself in the floor over there being no Goldfish for snack.  I want Mom Tiger to look all frazzled and be just counting the minutes until bedtime with a glass of wine in her hand to soften the blow of the day.  Maybe when Dad Tiger comes in instead of looking at him with adoring loving wife eyes, she tells him if he doesn't take this kid outside for ten minutes she is going to run away and never come back.  

Tell me I am not the only one to want this.  Just one episode.  Kids don't have to watch it.  Okay maybe I have lost my mind.  I mean I am jealous of a fictional character on a kids cartoon.  Oh well.  And side note, Daniel Tiger toys are coming out in a few days.  I am psyched.