Thursday, May 1, 2014

Three Year Olds are Tiny Terrorists

So Destructo isn't quite three yet. And on a side note, how in the world is my baby almost three years old?   But he is close enough to act like a full blown three year old.  Everyone warned me that the terrible three's are much worse than the terrible two's and I believe them.  My mom confirmed I was far worse at three than two.  I think this is partly due to the fact that a two year old is still babyish in a lot of ways and therefore less likely to make you irate since you can blame it on them still being a baby.

Destructo basically is of the mind set that he wants to do what he wants and he wants to do nothing that we want.  For example he misbehaves and gets sent to time out.  Two year old Destructo would scream and cry and flail and kick.  I can ignore that easy enough.  This is how time out for not quite three year old Destructo goes:

Me or Mr Destructo:  "1,2,3 go to the corner" (our time out spot.)  Destructo ignores us until we hit three and then runs screaming that he was going to do whatever we asked him to do or stop whatever we asked him not to do.  We send him to the corner anyways.

Destructo's response varies but here are my top three favorites recently:

"I will break the roof down with my ax.  Uh oh I can't go to the corner.  I broke the corner.  No corner anymore.  The corner is broken.  I broke it with my ax and a dump truck picked it up and took it away to the dump site and then a roller ran over it and the corner is broken.  See the crack in it.  It is melting."

"I threw the corner away and fed it to the whale and he didn't spit it out on the beach.  Uh oh no more corner.  I fed it to a rhino.  The elephant stepped on it.  I fed it to a dinosaur and he ate it all up nom nom nom."  This one goes on forever and typically involves every animal he has ever seen at a zoo.  Oh and did I mention he is screaming all this while simultaneously crying.  And Sgt. Screamer is usually screaming too due to his colic.  Yeah lots of screaming.  LOTS OF IT.

A final (and perhaps the most infuriating response) is to go screaming to the corner and having to immediately go potty.  The one time I didn't let him go he peed in his pants (and I felt bad but I think it was willful so I only felt a little bad.)  So we changed the rules and he can go potty but time out starts over.  So one day, he decided he would outsmart us and continue to say he had to go potty.  After a good ten minutes, we had had enough since it was very evident he had no pee left in his little bladder.  I told him no he was going to take his time out.  He informed me he would pee his pants.  I said go ahead and his evil plan was foiled for two reasons.  One he didn't have to go potty and two even if he did he just happened to be in a pull up for nap.  I won. 

That is just time out.  When he doesn't want to listen/do what we ask/ whatever he breaks into song.  ABCDEFGHI I don't have to listen to you or I don't want to do whatever or you aren't the boss JKLMNOP

He can do this with any song.  Hi ho the deerio I hate the corner.  I admire his creativity.

We were going to my parents cabin this weekend.  He loved being at their cabin two weekends ago.  He was screaming at the top of his lungs mommma mommma during naptime yesterday.  I told him he needed to lay down and take a nap so we could go to the cabin when he woke up.  This convo then happened.  

Destructo:  I don't want to go to the cabin (and yes he is screaming the entire time.)
Me:  Okay you can stay here.
Destructo:  You can't leave me here alone.
M:  I wouldn't be.  Daddy isn't going this time so you can stay here with him.
D:  I don't WANT to go to the cabin.
M:  (calm as can be) OK you can stay here.
 I consider that a win in my book.

And I found this the other day:
Yes my lovely readers I found him in the dryer

But after nearly three years of parenting, I just tell myself that this two will pass.  Just like the first six weeks of his life where I was exhausted, he fussed a lot, and refused to nurse.  Or from 9 months to a year where he started throwing temper tantrums, was highly frustrated trying to learn to walk, and was teething.  Or 18 months to 2 when he was refusing to eat anything, throwing epic head banging into walls hurting himself tantrums, and occasionally biting.  This too will pass in the blink of an eye.  And in the mean time, I will drink wine and pray for my sanity and to learn how to properly discipline him and not raise a psychopath.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it