Saturday, August 15, 2015

Fighting for Something I don't Want

As I have shared in this post, we have been in the process of having Destructo evaluated for behavioral issues and anxiety.  It is so surreal to be fighting so hard for a diagnosis that I don't want.  I don't want something to be "wrong" for lack of a better word with my son.  But on the other hand, if a diagnosis means insurance has to cover the therapy Destructo needs well I will fight without ceasing to get him that diagnosis.  

We went back to the local children's hospital two weeks ago for another parenting and behavior clinic.  They recommended having Kai have a full psychological evaluation completed (which will happen in November.)  She said she sees some warning signs of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) or a possible autism spectrum disorder (ASD.)  It is very clear he has a ton of anxiety that is affecting his daily life.  He doesn't eat well, sleep well, and has a lot of fears that have been popping up.  

Hearing he might have OCD made me want to cry.  While I haven't been formally diagnoses with OCD (because I don't want to spend the money to get that diagnosis) but the therapist I saw and my primary care doctor feel I have OCD.  I went on Zoloft for it back in the fall and that thank the Lord got my symptoms mainly under control.  I know that OCD can have a genetic component.  Way to make me feel like I gave my kid this.  

It is also hard because I know how badly OCD was messing up my life this fall.  I do not want to ever think about Destructo having to feel as badly as I felt when it was at its worst.  No mother ever wants her child to have to go through those kinds of things.  No mother wants to know her child might have a condition he has to deal with for the rest of his life.  But on the other hand, I have to fight to get him a diagnosis if that is what the future brings to get him any and all help to learn to cope with whatever that diagnosis might be. 

It is what it is has become my daily motto.  I can't change anything.  I just have to keep on keeping on.  Oh but I will say the ten minutes with the behaviorist was amazing because we got a velcro board schedule for Destructo.  I have always had a schedule but it was just paper.  Now he can take each thing off as he completes it to signal a transition.  Plus they are actually taking his schedule and making me a personalized picture for each item.  Yay!