Monday, August 31, 2015

The bouncers and swayers

I stood in church this past Sunday and bounced and swayed a fussy Oliver.  Church falls right at his nap time and this makes it immensely harder than it needs to be.  But I don't want to not go to church as a family.  So we go.  

We sit in the angel cry room.  My kids are far from angels so this always gives me a little case of the giggles.  This particular Sunday as I was bouncing Oliver to keep him from shrieking I happened to notice all the other mothers that were doing the mom bounce/sway right along with me.  I felt such a kinship with all these women, most of whom I don't know.

These women are tired.  They probably fought the I'm hungry, hot, thirsty, my blankets aren't right excuses the night before just like I did.  They probably stayed up too late just to get a little quiet alone time.  They were probably woken by scared toddlers or hungry babies all through out the night.  Just like me.

They probably woke up to the joyful sounds of a screaming baby demanding to be freed from their captivity of the crib.  They might have wrangled a bucking bronco toddler to get a clean diaper on his or her butt.  Stood in front of the fridge wondering what to fix for breakfast.  Again.  Every single morning these dang kids need to be fed.  But wait first they would have had to clear the dinner dishes off the table because she was so exhausted the night before she just couldn't.

They chase preschoolers and toddlers around trying to put them in their church clothes.  All while telling them the importance of going to church because face it, they would rather be outside playing.  Her kids are well dressed while she throws on clean clothes and brushes her teeth in five minutes because oh my gosh we are going to be late.

Then she stands with her fussy baby and bounces, sways, and rocks.  She is tired and can't hear a word the priest is saying but she is there.  Because in her heart she needs God and needs church.  Because if it wasn't for God she would run for the hills on the bad days.  Well God and cherry coke.  Definitely need caffeine.  

I could feel the exhaustion and weariness in these women's expressions but also the pure joy.  Raising my children to be God fearing productive members of society is going to be the biggest most heady thing I accomplish in my life.  While I think I can't keep doing this a lot of days, I wouldn't trade one second of it for the world.  

I am exhausted.  Just like all these nameless women I watched during church.  I am so bone weary tired some days I just don't know how I will keep up this frenetic pace without either going insane or just sitting down and never being able to get back up.   But I do.  Everyday I do.  God gives me the strength to keep on going.  And truly one day I will look back and give anything to go back to this crazy time.